Coming back

I went to a Mama Retreat. It was awesome. I hope to write about it sometime.
I didn't die on the plane. Or get in a car crash. I spoke with the children every day. The three who have a hard time unleashed on me -as expected- when I returned home.

But now, three days later, as planned, Hubs and I are taking 52 hours to go on an even smaller vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. My Saint, I mean, my mother is here continuing support and care for the kids, who adore her. She raised six kids and is the only human capable of holding down the fort while we are gone. I get my crazy, my drive and my energy from her and she still has it. I am so lucky to have her willing to help in times like these. Between Mama B, who is still here with Baby H (who is doing great after surgery, more on that later, too), and Mimi, my 12-year-old-who-is-the-best-helper-in-the-world, I know they will be alright.

But this time, knowing Mom and Dad were going away there was fresh fear in a few faces.

I know lots of parents go away. I know it's good to do self-care stuff. I know marriages need to come first or families fall apart. I know Hubs and I need this. I knowI knowI know all the gunk people say when choosing how to handle this kind of thing.

But how do you look a child who has been left by her parents square in the face, with unblinking firmness and say Do not worry, I am coming back. I promise.

Pardon me, but it is possible she has heard that BS before, more than once. And it wasn't true, more than once.

How do you look a baby with furrowed brows and tears coming, a baby who is almost not a baby anymore but still feels the fear and helplessness of his crappy baby-hood take over his brain in moments of stress, how do you look at him who was left and no one came back, and say I am coming back, I promise.

My kids know that that is just something people say.

Please God, don't turn me into a liar. I need to be back here in exactly sixty-three hours (travel time included) hugging my children, keeping a promise that a few of them don't believe.

     Tsega smooching Baby H, with big bandage in recovery from neuro surgery. 


S said...

We haven't figured out a way to even go on a 2 hour date yet because our habesha just isn't there yet, so I hear you. I hope you have a great time. Please bring back some sun and warmth-I am so done with winter.

Cindy said...

We feel you! (((hugs))) and have a great little trip away.

Cherie said...

You are going to have a blast! Let it be in God's hands. He wouldn't let you go with that beautiful brood waiting for you at home. I promise that it will renew your relationship with your spouse and it is the most important relationship in the house. We just went for a weekend away for the first time, and though I know the circumstances were completely different with our children, it was something my spouse and I NEEDED to renew our love and devotion for eachother. It will be worth it. Put your trust in God and go have fun!

Michelle said...

I discovered your blog last night while searching for information about LDS families adopting from Africa. I'm wondering if I could send you an email. I didn't see your email address on the blog; if you'd rather not receive personal messages, that's o.k. I'll just continue reading your blog, which I'm smitten with. Thanks for sharing your journey.

scooping it up said...

Michelle, you can email me at scoopingitup@gmail.com and if you are considering adoption, please read the button above that talks about adoption from African countries. It is lengthy and chock full of years of experience.