Greener Grass

The massive problem created by merely looking at houses for sale online is that you realize you hate your house. I've been cheating on our house for a few months now, and the fantasies have turned me into a monster. Maybe this has happened to you: After late night MLS binging, in your mind, the house you love, starts to betray you. Or maybe you betray your house? You start believe it really stinks. There are houses that cost the same as yours out there that have bigger yards, and pools, and bathtubs, or less obnoxious drive ways, in more appealing towns. You start finding the little things that give your house character unlivable. You start thinking this can't go on. By mentally exploring what a new home might be like, one starts flirting with other homes. But if you're like me, who has a hard time not getting emotionally involved, it can turn into an obsession. It's not healthy because in reality, all houses eventually show their quirks, their weaknesses, the flaws in design and floor plan or location. The grass isn't always greener despite the professional, flawless pictures taken for online advertising.

Then, where you realize you might want to actually put an offer on one of those fantasy houses you look around at the Hoarders situation in your own house and realize everything hinges on someone coming over and not thinking Wow, they are hoarders. You must find a way to hide and/or be rid of the colossal amount of stuff one has accumulated over four years of family expansion. Not to mention fixing the damage inflicted by the 3-yr-old Destruction Duo.  I have answered the Vaseline does not ever evaporate or go away, as  am forced to deal with petroluem jelly on several surfaces that I kinda told myself would eventually take care of themselves. (No.)

And did I ever tell you about the time Tsega smuggled a hammer, a real one, into his room one day and I woke up the next morning to find him hammering the bejeebers out of his bedroom walls? There are chunks and dents everywhere. Or the time he stole a pair of chop sticks and stuck them in the electrical outlets (I know. I know) and then broke them off so they are now the prong holes are very effectively toddler safe since there are pieces of chop stick completely wedged and cannot be removed not the outlets used at all?

And remember the blood and marker on Brady's walls? Oh there is so much to do. And so many piles. All because of a hypothetical home sale.

There is nothing worse than children for making it impossible to address the "piles." Please tell me I am not alone in piles. Things that don't have a place, but you don't want to misplace, so you pile them and lie to yourself that you will get to them?

Whilst playing the game Could we sell this house? Hubs and I have been going through piles. I found $200 worth of checks, which makes Hubs want to paper cut me with them. Since I refuse to go to banks with children, they sit, hidden, acquiring food stains and kid drawings until Hubs finds them and asks me Good gosh woman, do you know this is money? It's not like a post-it? Piles are shameful and I do not enjoy going through them with a responsible audience looking on.

Choosing to address the organizational needs of the house means begging children to leave me alone. Which means destruction in another room. So basically, I am trying to clean one room, while in another spot serious stuff is going down. It is a losing game. We've found the best way to be productive is for one of us to be at home, working, and the other must remove the children for as long as humanely possible before someone requires naps or food. It's not a perfect system but we've been employing it for some time. It's all we got until we are rid of toddlers who do terrible things in their free time.

Tonight I need to close down Zillow, and Weichert. Oh, and Bing Maps which has ridiculously amazing overhead satellite images of properties. Way clearer and more frightening than Google Maps. Go ahead. Search for your house on Bing and the clarity will make you seriously uncomfortable. Like, the NSA Brand uncomfortable.

I am gonna go eat my feelings and anxiety over the questions and stress I created, just by looking to see if the grass is greener. Drawer and closet cleansing, toy organizing, book purging, it all feels so good and panic-driven at the same time. And as the dust is vacuumed and we slowly find the bottom of the piles I think

Wow, this house has some really huge closets. It's so pretty here in this room. It's not so bad.


Nancy said...

Piles? I have NO idea what you are talking about! NONE!
Pardon my nose as it just grew a foot.
Just yesterday I told hubs I wanted to go look at a home 1 block over "just for fun." The venom coming out his eyeballs nearly blinded me.
Oh well.

Barb Aloot said...

For what it's worth, putting the piles into boxes and then doing anything other than setting them on fire does not help. It just means there are boxes staring at you, taunting you, reminding you they are FULL of pieces of paper that have some compelling importance you should have dealt with YEARS ago.

Paula said...

My name is Paula, and I'm a pile-aholic.

findingmagnolia said...

We have so many piles that our piles have piles on top of them. I just emailed you a photo. You're welcome.

Jenn said...

Most banks now have cell phone apps that let you deposit checks. I used to be awful about cashing checks because I never went to the bank. Now I snap a picture of the front of my check and then the back, and BOOM! Check deposited. My bank account loves me so much more now.

We put things in boxes in my house. It looks more organized than piles, but it's way more of a pain. Hang in there!

Sarah said...

Totally relate to the piles - I feel your pain!

Chatter said...

Yes. Yes. Annnd Yes. The piles. The messes created in order to clean up another mess. Bing maps is way better than Google for bird's eye. I love looking at homes. Hence the reason we are on move no. 7 in nine years. Yes, you heard correctly. Which has eliminated the hoarding and piles factor. We purge a lot and moving always helps to keep things to a minimal. The lady buying our current house just purchased $700 worth of furniture from us so we don't have to drag it across three states. Also, if you want a quick solution to staging a home. STORAGE UNIT. It will keep you sane and help eliminate soooo much clutter. Good luck with what's to come. Happy house hunting!